The last couple days have been pretty intense. So much so, that when I say my heart was aching, I mean just that. Today my heart literally hurt from the burden I've been carrying. As I left the house this afternoon for a heart to heart with a trusted friend, my husband hugged me good-bye as he said this to me: "Mindi, I love you so much! I am so lucky to have you as my wife." As I walked out the door to the van, I thought (almost scratching my head)... "Man, I don't get it. Does he really mean that?!?" I don't doubt him. Rather, I am astonished!
This evening, I have been reflecting on all the things that God is trying to work in me the last couple weeks. I feel very overwhelmed. I am even more perplexed my husband can say that he loves me so much and that HE is lucky to have ME as his wife. This makes me consider the fact that Jesus also loves me even more and far beyond the way my husband does-- unconditionally!
I feel so unworthy of both of their love. I know this is not where God wants me to stay-- feeling so unworthy. But for now, that is where he has me. The burden I have been carrying certainly feels lighter. But the pain, the aching in my heart, is a reminder that God is working, and that I can't go through this without his strength and his power. He is not yet done doing whatever it is he needs to do in my heart and in my life at this time.
So, dear Jesus, on with the open heart surgery! Search me, Oh God, and know my HEART today. Test me... show me my wickedness... cleanse me... and SET ME FREE! So that I can walk with you towards Heaven, keeping my eyes on you.
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